Description

James Deen sits in a black chair in his long dining table. In the long table, different types of mustards are lined up. There are regular mustards, sweet mustards, spicy mustards, super spicy mustards, and gourmet mustards. His goal today is to taste-test every type of mustard. James randomly chooses from the group. For his first choice is a classic mustard. The moment he puts the mustard on his mouth, he spits it out on the trash bin. He says it basically tastes like a regular mustard. He puts his second choice of mustard on his fingertips before tasting it. He likes this one better than the first. He opts for the simply organic mustard as his third selection. He believes that anything organic is associated with shit. Therefore, his verdict is that the mustard is not that good. The fourth option is what he calls the typical American mustard and of course, he likes it. He gargles with water before proceeding to the next one. The spicy brown mustard follows and he describes its taste simply. He says that it tastes like brown mustard. A mustard made with wine is the next one. He immediately spits the mustard out right after he puts in into his mouth. Obviously, he doesn’t like it. That is already the sixth mustard. James wants to give up now. He no longer wants to continue on with this mustard tasting. He tells every one, “If you guys are nice, what you would do is to let me have some cheese, or something to put the mustard on. Or a fucking cracker, a French fry, something.” James is ready to give up. He just keeps talking nonsense. He seems to be delaying tasting the next mustard in line. But he still continues on with the spicy radish and the jalapeno mustards. He then leaves for a few minutes and returns with a glass of milk. He drinks milk to clean his palettes. James now moves on to a weird mustard. It’s not the usual yellow mustard but a red one. He describes its tastes as, “It tastes sweet, delicious and doesn’t taste like mustard. It tastes like raspberries. It’s really good but tastes nothing but mustard.” James tries the creamy dill mustard next and starts ranting again. He says that the mustard is perfect for a sandwich. He doesn’t stop ranting as he moves to another mustard saying that it is perfect with cheese. James is getting impatient that he decides to just open the mustard container and directly lick it. He tries the whole grain garlic mustard and almost throws up. He loves the next one though, the Vermont maple mustard. He then tries the lavender-infused mustard and calls it a stupid mustard. James Deen finishes his mustard tasting. Even though he didn’t want to do it, he still did it. He loves the generic mustard. He says it’s best for those who likes simple mustard. He recommends the mustards in fancy jars for those who have cash to spend. But in the end, James chooses the Vermont maple mustard.